Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Anticipating Visibility

This past week has been very quiet. Almost like my life is back to normal. I am recovering from surgery nicely and have had no complications at all. My surgeon is happy with everything and has told me he does not want to see me for another 3 months.

The next step is to see the oncologist. My appointment with her is this Friday morning. I am both excited and nervous to meet her. I am excited because with the surgery I feel like I have started on my path to surviving cancer and I can't continue on that path until I start my treatment plan. I am nervous because this next part of my treatment is the one that is the most frightening.

She is the person that is going to tell me which poisons will be in my body, how often I have to do it and what all the potential complications and side effects will be.

I have decided to be proactive about losing my hair. I am getting my hair cut by several inches next week. I am also going to a new person that I am hoping can give me a great hair cut (probably my last for the year) and can duplicate it on a wig. I would love to be able to say that I will be one of those bold, brave people that just shaves my head and shows a bald head to the world, but I don't know if that is what will happen. It is the single most visible thing about me that will announce to the world that I am a victim of cancer. I have spent my life being relatively invisible-I don't seek the spotlight and never have. Cancer has and will change many things about me. I don't know if accepting the visibility that comes with this disease will be one of them-maybe I will surprise myself.

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