It is funny how certain dates stick with you and others don't. I knew today was November 13th and kept thinking that it was a significant day (other than being Friday the 13th) but couldn't think of why until I went back and looked at my calendar for last year.
November 13 2008 was my first day of freedom. November 12th marked my last day of radiation treatment and November 13th was the first day in over 8 months that I wasn't taking action against cancer or recovering from taking action. I didn't have any appointments, no doctors, no check-ups, no dressing rooms, no hospital gowns, no drugs, no needles, no lab work, no nurses, no techs, no pain.
I remember clearly going to a meeting at work that day and having my then boss tell everyone that I successfully completed all of my treatments for cancer and having everyone in the room be happy for me. They couldn't have been any happier than I was that I got to have my life back. I recall beaming and smiling at the recognition for having made it through this particular life challenge.
The radiation techs even gave me a certificate to commemorate the day:
CERTIFICATE OF MERIT AND APPRECIATION
Be it declared that Tracy Kudrna has completed the prescribed course of Radiation Therapy with the highest degree of courage, determination and good nature.
Radiation very likely saved my life. Though I was happy to be done, I am eternally grateful for the compassion and patience shown to me by the doctors, nurses and techs at the radiation center. They gave me back my freedom.
Showing posts with label radiation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label radiation. Show all posts
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
2 more days
Well it is almost here. The Seattle Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk is almost here. I looked back at my donations and realized that I registered for this walk in January. I have spent 9 months working to raise money for breast cancer research. 9 months is a long time to spend on something. It is the amount of time it takes to produce a baby! It is also the amount of time that I spent treating my own cancer...surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation.
I have been asked to be a flag-bearer in the opening and closing ceremonies in the Survivor Circle. I have been given the COURAGE flag to carry. It is an incredible honor to be asked to participate and I am thrilled to have the Courage flag. There are many characteristics needed to battle cancer; faith, strength, hope, patience, and courage.
3 days will be difficult, but if it can prevent someone else from spending 9 months or longer fighting cancer, then it will be worth it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Done!
1 Surgery, 4 rounds of chemo, 33 doses of radiation, 77 hospital/doctor visits, 100's of thousands of dollars in medical bills-one lump. Done!
Down to the Wire
I cannot believe I have made it this far. Tomorrow is my last day of radiation. My last day! I never thought I would say this, but I will actually miss the people that I have seen every day for the last 6 and 1/2 weeks. I have had the same 3 or 4 techs every day and they are wonderful. They could spend the 10-15 minutes that I am in there just working and ignoring the patient, but they don't. They talk to me every day, remember things that we have discussed and ask questions about my life.
At Valley, they have valet parking for the radiation patients. Every day the same 2 valets wave me in, take my keys and take care of my car. They know me now too. Most of the time they just let me park myself! They know not to send my car very far because I will only be 10-15 minutes. Collectively they have made an experience that could have been really miserable, something that wasn't that bad.
I will miss them, but I will not miss having an appointment every day. I will not miss being reminded every morning that I am STILL fighting cancer. I will not miss driving the extra 25 minutes every day and having to ride a different bus because there is no room at the park and ride at that time. I will not miss the red peeling skin under my arm.
I had heard that people who don't have to do chemo think that radiation is tough to do and people who do chemo think that radiation is easy in comparison. Radiation is not easy. It causes skin redness and itchiness, sometimes blisters and a low-grade fatigue all of the time. That being said, radiation was a walk in the park as compared to chemo. It is a completely different type of fatigue. I still function very normally with the possible exception that I go to bed a little earlier and feel tired by late afternoon. The only other thing for me is that I have Restless Leg Syndrome and have had it since I was young without knowing what it was. It is something that makes you feel like your skin is crawling and you must move your legs to get it to stop. I generally feel this when I am tired so having a low-grade fatigue all the time means for me that my legs are going crazy almost all the time.
I'm lucky. I know I am. Some people have much more intense side effects that I have had. My radiation doctor and the techs tell me all the time that my skin is amazing and resilient. God might have given me cancer, but He also gave me very good health, strength beyond what I thought I had and resiliency. He also gave me love and support from many different directions. We did it! All of us!
At Valley, they have valet parking for the radiation patients. Every day the same 2 valets wave me in, take my keys and take care of my car. They know me now too. Most of the time they just let me park myself! They know not to send my car very far because I will only be 10-15 minutes. Collectively they have made an experience that could have been really miserable, something that wasn't that bad.
I will miss them, but I will not miss having an appointment every day. I will not miss being reminded every morning that I am STILL fighting cancer. I will not miss driving the extra 25 minutes every day and having to ride a different bus because there is no room at the park and ride at that time. I will not miss the red peeling skin under my arm.
I had heard that people who don't have to do chemo think that radiation is tough to do and people who do chemo think that radiation is easy in comparison. Radiation is not easy. It causes skin redness and itchiness, sometimes blisters and a low-grade fatigue all of the time. That being said, radiation was a walk in the park as compared to chemo. It is a completely different type of fatigue. I still function very normally with the possible exception that I go to bed a little earlier and feel tired by late afternoon. The only other thing for me is that I have Restless Leg Syndrome and have had it since I was young without knowing what it was. It is something that makes you feel like your skin is crawling and you must move your legs to get it to stop. I generally feel this when I am tired so having a low-grade fatigue all the time means for me that my legs are going crazy almost all the time.
I'm lucky. I know I am. Some people have much more intense side effects that I have had. My radiation doctor and the techs tell me all the time that my skin is amazing and resilient. God might have given me cancer, but He also gave me very good health, strength beyond what I thought I had and resiliency. He also gave me love and support from many different directions. We did it! All of us!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Skin
I am nearly finished with radiation and finally my skin has revolted. I made it through 5 solid weeks of radiation without any negative side effects. Over the last couple of days my skin has turned a very angry red under my arm and hurts when it is stretched in any way. I was hoping that I could make it through the entire 33 days but I actually made it through about 24. I only have one more day of whole breast radiation and then begin a series of 5 boosts. The 5 boosts are concentrated doses of radiation at the incision site. The good thing about the boosts is that they will not focus on my underarm at all which is where I am having the most amount of redness and pain.
On the day after the election, there are many discussions about skin and skin color. A black man will be the president of the United States. What I was struck by last night when listening to McCain's concession speech and Obama's acceptance speech is that they are both very comfortable in their skin. I thought both speakers showed grace, courage and strength on an evening in which history was being made.
I can't possibly compare myself to two extremely competent individuals, but I will say over the course of treatment and being diagnosed with cancer, I have found that I am more comfortable in my own skin than I was before. I have spent plenty of time worrying about my looks, or my weight or whatever it was I thought was wrong with me. I have found that with scars, a bald head, a lopsided chest, thinning eyebrows and eyelashes I am very proud to be me. I realize that many people go through all of this thinking they are imperfect. I don't think I am perfect, but I am confident. Hair doesn't make the person. Neither do clothes or a perfect body. Certainly not skin.
On the day after the election, there are many discussions about skin and skin color. A black man will be the president of the United States. What I was struck by last night when listening to McCain's concession speech and Obama's acceptance speech is that they are both very comfortable in their skin. I thought both speakers showed grace, courage and strength on an evening in which history was being made.
I can't possibly compare myself to two extremely competent individuals, but I will say over the course of treatment and being diagnosed with cancer, I have found that I am more comfortable in my own skin than I was before. I have spent plenty of time worrying about my looks, or my weight or whatever it was I thought was wrong with me. I have found that with scars, a bald head, a lopsided chest, thinning eyebrows and eyelashes I am very proud to be me. I realize that many people go through all of this thinking they are imperfect. I don't think I am perfect, but I am confident. Hair doesn't make the person. Neither do clothes or a perfect body. Certainly not skin.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Time Passage
As of yesterday I have only 11 days left of my radiation treatment. I have completed a full 22 days. It is the opposite of chemo in terms of time. My summer was the longest of my life. Time seemed to drag on and on in between treatments. It was like those dreams where you just can't move fast enough. Radiation is different. 22 sessions have flown by. I am now 2/3 of the way done and I don't know how it went by.
I made it through an entire four weeks before I started to see some effects. Just over the past 2 days I have started to see some redness on my skin and am starting to feel tired. My radiation oncologist told me it would be different from chemo fatigue and he is correct. Chemo fatigue is a lack of energy type of fatigue. Radiation is just plain tired, like you didn't get enough sleep at night. By late afternoon I am feeling like I could take a nap. It isn't horrible, just feels like I need a cup of coffee and should go to bed early. So I listened to my body and went to bed early 2 days in a row.
When I was first diagnosed I talked a lot with my friend Kristina who was almost exactly a year out from her round of treatments. At the time a year seemed like an eternity and I couldn't visualize being where she is. I just didn't know how I was going to get through chemo and radiation and the fear and emotions of being diagnosed.
I have been at it now for almost 6 months. I was diagnosed on May 7th and have been doing surgery, chemo, radiation, appointments, blood draws and waiting, waiting, waiting ever since. I can see me being where Kristina was. I can imagine being a year past diagnosis. I can see my life returning to normal. I know that watching my children grow, I will find that time is going too fast again and I will want it to slow down, but right now, I am glad to have radiation zooming by.
I made it through an entire four weeks before I started to see some effects. Just over the past 2 days I have started to see some redness on my skin and am starting to feel tired. My radiation oncologist told me it would be different from chemo fatigue and he is correct. Chemo fatigue is a lack of energy type of fatigue. Radiation is just plain tired, like you didn't get enough sleep at night. By late afternoon I am feeling like I could take a nap. It isn't horrible, just feels like I need a cup of coffee and should go to bed early. So I listened to my body and went to bed early 2 days in a row.
When I was first diagnosed I talked a lot with my friend Kristina who was almost exactly a year out from her round of treatments. At the time a year seemed like an eternity and I couldn't visualize being where she is. I just didn't know how I was going to get through chemo and radiation and the fear and emotions of being diagnosed.
I have been at it now for almost 6 months. I was diagnosed on May 7th and have been doing surgery, chemo, radiation, appointments, blood draws and waiting, waiting, waiting ever since. I can see me being where Kristina was. I can imagine being a year past diagnosis. I can see my life returning to normal. I know that watching my children grow, I will find that time is going too fast again and I will want it to slow down, but right now, I am glad to have radiation zooming by.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Pink?
Monday's are doctor days during radiation. Every day during treatment I see radiation techs and nurses, but only on Monday do I see the doctor. Yesterday I had a chance to see the doctor. In general this is a discussion about any potential side effects that I might be having.
I am halfway done with radiation as of today. I have completed 16 out of 33 treatments and so far have been really lucky to have no real side effects. My skin is still in tact and is not showing any signs of redness.
When the doctor came in, he asked me how everything was going and I told him that I was not having any skin issues at all. He was pleased that I wasn't having any problems but assured me that soon I would start to see some signs of pink. As predicted, chemo has sent me into menopause and I have hot flashes on a regular basis. As soon as the doctor started to examine me I had a hot flash, turning all of my skin a healthy shade of pink. "See, your skin is starting to turn pink" says my doctor.
Sigh....OK, I'm turning pink, but not because of radiation. If only he understood that my skin turns pink a dozen times a day and several times at night. Chemo induced menopause so far is causing me more discomfort than the radiation and turning me all kinds of lovely shades of pink.
I am halfway done with radiation as of today. I have completed 16 out of 33 treatments and so far have been really lucky to have no real side effects. My skin is still in tact and is not showing any signs of redness.
When the doctor came in, he asked me how everything was going and I told him that I was not having any skin issues at all. He was pleased that I wasn't having any problems but assured me that soon I would start to see some signs of pink. As predicted, chemo has sent me into menopause and I have hot flashes on a regular basis. As soon as the doctor started to examine me I had a hot flash, turning all of my skin a healthy shade of pink. "See, your skin is starting to turn pink" says my doctor.
Sigh....OK, I'm turning pink, but not because of radiation. If only he understood that my skin turns pink a dozen times a day and several times at night. Chemo induced menopause so far is causing me more discomfort than the radiation and turning me all kinds of lovely shades of pink.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
2 down-31 to go
I started radiation on Monday. The first of 33 sessions, 1 per day for six and a half weeks. It is deceptively easy. The whole session takes about 5 minutes. It takes longer to park and undress and redress than it does to actually go through the treatment.
I have not yet experienced any of the side effects though I understand it can take a couple of weeks for them to show up. In comparison to chemo, it should be easier. The two biggest side effects are fatigue and skin issues-something like a sunburn.
It all sounds comparatively easy. However radiation is serious. You can only have radiation once in your lifetime. Because my lump was on the left side, I have the potential to have permanent damage to my heart, my lungs or my ribs. Hopefully this won't be the case but it is a risk. After these treatments, I will have had my maximum lifetime radiation. You know when you have an xray and they put that nice heavy metal apron on to protect you from the radiation? I don't get the metal apron. I get the full effect of something that I have had to be protected against my entire life.
So why do it? It improves my chances of survival by about 7-10%. That may sound like a small amount and some people choose not to do radiation, but for me 7-10 percent is enough to make it worth it. I think I would worry about it constantly if I didn't do radiation. I want to make sure I have done everything I can to improve my chances of survival and reduce my chances of a recurrence. So I will go every day for 6 and a half weeks and I will try every day to remember why I am doing it.
I have not yet experienced any of the side effects though I understand it can take a couple of weeks for them to show up. In comparison to chemo, it should be easier. The two biggest side effects are fatigue and skin issues-something like a sunburn.
It all sounds comparatively easy. However radiation is serious. You can only have radiation once in your lifetime. Because my lump was on the left side, I have the potential to have permanent damage to my heart, my lungs or my ribs. Hopefully this won't be the case but it is a risk. After these treatments, I will have had my maximum lifetime radiation. You know when you have an xray and they put that nice heavy metal apron on to protect you from the radiation? I don't get the metal apron. I get the full effect of something that I have had to be protected against my entire life.
So why do it? It improves my chances of survival by about 7-10%. That may sound like a small amount and some people choose not to do radiation, but for me 7-10 percent is enough to make it worth it. I think I would worry about it constantly if I didn't do radiation. I want to make sure I have done everything I can to improve my chances of survival and reduce my chances of a recurrence. So I will go every day for 6 and a half weeks and I will try every day to remember why I am doing it.
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