Monday, August 4, 2008


Monday,day 6 after chemo number 2. Now I believe I can do two more. This time has been drastically better than last time. I did not take one pain pill. Not one. I took Advil throughout the day yesterday for various shooting aches and pains, but nothing constant. I still have a general drain of energy and I didn't have a lot of activity today-in fact spent most of the day sitting down in my living room. But here is the difference, last time by day 6 I didn't have enough energy to walk upstairs by myself and couldn't be upright for more than about 30 minutes at a time. I also felt like I had been hit by a truck, many times over. This time I got hit by a bike maybe-a big bike, but not a truck.

I am generally a planner and having cancer has made me think against my nature in much smaller chunks of time. I focus on the next appointment, the next treatment and no further. I couldn't focus on any amount of time longer than that because I didn't know what it would look like.

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time on the couch watching movies. One was based in New York, a city that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I had a conversation with Larry last night telling him that I want to take the girls to New York some day to go to restaurants that we have seen on TV, skate in Rockefeller Center, play in Central Park and enjoy one of the greatest cities on earth. Larry did what he always does when I have these ideas....yes, yes, that is a great idea, of course we should do it.

I'm glad he reacted the same way because it means his expectations of me haven't changed, but I realized that mine had. I quit thinking about the future and this was the first time since May that I have had the confidence to throw out a discussion about the future in an abstract way. I have the same right to expect a "someday" as anyone else. I now have the confidence that I will have the opportunity to have those somedays, lots and lots of somedays.

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