Tuesday, August 5, 2008

For You...

I get cards many times a week from people. Today I received one from someone who I love very, very much. As with any emotional exchange between her and I, it was heartfelt and genuine and I cried when I read it. This is a person who has a lot going on in her life right now and I know has a certain amount of guilt about not being able to be there for me more throughout this journey. So this post is in her honor, but is for every single person who has helped me in ways big or small over the last months. I have great friends and family. You have all done more for me than I ever dreamed possible.

You have sent 1 card, you have sent a thousand cards. You have called once or a thousand times. You have sent emails and left notes. You have brought food, drink, flowers and gifts. You have raised money and donated money, not only to me, but to the Breast Cancer cause. You have listened to me talk and talked to me when I didn't have any more words. You have talked to me about everything and nothing. You have let me tell you about my life and have told me about yours in return so that I can remember that life is much more than cancer.

You have taken my children for an hour or a day or more. You have let them be sad if they want to be or let them be children with no worries. You have made plans and changed plans. You have waited with me patiently and impatiently. You have given me one hug or a thousand, one kiss or a thousand. You have let me cry. You have not let me cry. You have cried with me or without me.

You have watched me change my appearance and looked at me as if it hadn't. You have treated me like I was as fragile as a butterfly wing and as strong as iron. You have reminded me that I am both. You have felt sorrow and anger and fear on my behalf. You have felt pride and elation and joy and relief with me and for me. You have never lost hope. You have spoken my name to someone you care about. You have told someone to take care of themselves or you have made a choice in your own life to make sure you aren't where I am at.

You have lost sleep. You have enjoyed a moment with your family with extra sweetness. You have thought about me once or once an hour. You remembered dates and milestones that I thought were only important to me. You have taken the very special and personal relationship that you have with God and used that relationship to pray for me. You prayed for strength or clarity or health or nothing. Maybe you didn't even use words, but you used that precious relationship for me and you made me understand that I was worth it.

You have reached out to someone in my family or one of my friends. You have spoken to or emailed someone that you have nothing in common with but one thing-me. You have driven or walked out of your way just to say hello and that you are thinking of me.

How can any of these things carry less weight than the others? They don't. Everyone has a gift that they have chosen to share with me. I am grateful for every single one of them, small and large, a single incidence or a hundred. If I haven't told you before, or if I forget to tell you tomorrow, if I can't get to the phone or talk to you in person-Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

2 comments:

Annie Searle said...

You write so well! Very glad to hear that you are by and large without pain this round.

I look forward to catching up when you're back in the office.

--Annie

kris r said...

Trace,
Thank you for this beautiful post. I appreciate your blog so much because it keeps me connected to you. Almost as good as a conversation over a glass of wine. You have a gift for writing, maybe that will be one of the positive gifts you will take away from this experience. It's always amazing to me that even our most painful life lessons leave us with gifts...mind boggling. I'm thinking of you and sending you all a hug. Love, Kris
p.s.You're welcome. :-) That's what friends do and rest assured, we all wish we were doing more.