Defense

I had the pleasure of having lunch today with several friends from my Nordstrom days. Despite the fact that we have not worked together in 8 or 10 years we still try to keep in touch and get together at least once per year. It was great to see all of them and get updates on what is important in their lives these days. They asked me what has changed in my life since my diagnosis and I told them there are several things. My perspective for one. My utter amazement at my friends and family for another, and the way I view my "job" of keeping cancer at bay.

I have done most of the heavy lifting that I can medically now and feel like it is my job to construct the best defense possible against a recurrence since I am now at a greater risk than someone who has not had cancer.

To be sure, there are people who are overweight, smoke their lives away, drink like fish and spend all of their waking hours at McDonalds who never get cancer in their lifetime. There are also people who eat organically, carry very little extra weight, exercise like fiends who are diagnosed with cancer. Look at Lance Armstrong for instance-a healthier specimen would be difficult to find. There are people who carry the breast cancer gene who are never diagnosed and people like me who don't have a history but are diagnosed anyway.

There are no sure fire ways of preventing cancer. But there are ways to decrease your risk. I have spent a lot of time researching, talking to doctors, nutritionists, naturopaths and anyone else I can think of to help me decide on the defense that is right for me. So for Inga, Fabi, Helen and Michelle', here is my plan of attack. It is what is right for me and it is constantly evolving. It is not necessarily what is right for anyone else. Everyone has to do what works for them....

Supplements:
Multi-vitamin
Calcium supplement with Vitamin D
Fish Oil
Vitamin C

Diet:
No processed sugar or sugar substitutes
No corn syrup of any kind
Limited trans-fats
1 cup of green tea 5-6 times per week
Limited red meat
Limited alcohol
Lots of fruits and vegetables in a rainbow of colors
Limited flax and soy (this is because I am estrogen positive-in general, these things are very healthy)
Lots of whole grains and fiber
Water, water and more water

Habits:
Exercise 4 1/2-5 hours each week
Try to limit stress
READ LABELS!-I try to choose things with as few ingredients as possible. I also try to not choose items that have ingredients that I wouldn't eat on their own. Would you put Yellow #9 on a plate and eat it by itself??
Buy organic produce whenever possible
Get 10-15 minutes of sunshine a couple times per week
Reduce my body fat (this is a work in progress!)
Listen to my body and talk to my doctor with any questions
Get regular mammograms
Be mindful of my environment-plastics, pesticides etc.

Will this guarantee that my cancer won't return? Nope. If there was a guarantee, I would be the first in line to get one. Lifestyle changes (diet and exercise) can reduce my risk of a recurrence by up to 50% which is more than I got from chemo and radiation. Is it worth it for me to skip the candy bar? You bet.

Thankful

Last night we returned from Hawaii. The timing of this vacation couldn't have been better. I have been battling cancer for a full 6 months. It has been a very difficult and challenging six months not only for me but for those who care about me as well. It is emotionally and physically draining. I was so thankful to be somewhere with my family where I had no appointments, no drugs, no schedule. We rested and relaxed and played and played some more.

Today I will go to my mother's house for Thanksgiving where my sister and her family will be as well as my grandmother. Besides my husband and my children, these are the people who have been most intimately involved in this battle. I am incredibly grateful to have each of them in my corner. From my grandmother who despite having no real experience on a computer is now a faithful reader of my blog, to my mother who had to watch her oldest daughter shave her head and couldn't do it for her. From my stepfather who was the first person to get on the phone to start making phone calls after I was diagnosed to try to find me a doctor to my niece Ellie who has accepted her Auntie's bald head with humor and glee asking me constantly if she can feel my "noggin". From my brother-in-law who doesn't bat an eye when I ask him to go to KFC for me or rescue my husband and children from a flat tire to my sister who has done and been everything. Even my little nieces Rachael and Jillian who could care less if their Auntie is sick and bald as long as she is willing to change their diaper or be thrown up on (Which she is ALWAYS willing to do!)

My list of things to be thankful for wouldn't be complete if I didn't include the incredible care I have received at Swedish and at Valley Medical. Say what you will about healthcare in this country, but I could not be happier with my doctors, nurses and techs and even my insurance provider. I realize fully that not everyone has access to the care that I have and I am thankful for what I have experienced.

I am thankful for my health. I think everyone will think this today and maybe even say it out loud, but I don't know if everyone will truly grasp what it feels like to go through a day not worrying about your health. I tried once to explain to a friend what it is like to spend every minute of every day thinking about your health and I don't think I did a good job of conveying what a gift it is to have other thoughts during the day...to think of your good health only in passing. Today I will be thankful for my health and that of my friends and family and I will be grateful to God that today on this day designed for thanks giving, I am here, I am healthy and I don't have to spend every minute wondering if tomorrow I won't be.

Aloha

Hawaii is the right place to come to recover. There is nothing better than a tropical breeze, floating in salt water and waking up to sunshine every day. We are having a really great time in Hawaii. We have not had a plan for any day but have just gone with whatever strikes our fancy for the day.

So far we have snorkeled and swam and relaxed. We thoroughly explored the north side of the island and are now on the south side of the island for the duration of our trip. Today is a rainy day here but we have had so much fun spending time with our kids that we haven't even noticed. Our kids have re-discovered the joy of board games and we have laughed ourselves silly playing Scrabble.

I am so grateful to have this time with my family. I enjoy my kids and my husband. We have fun together. I had nearly forgotten how to do so.

Aloha for now...

R&R

Call it Rest and Relaxation, or Recuperating and Recovery. We are headed off to sunny Hawaii and I can't think when I have ever looked forward more to a vacation. It has been my focal point since May, knowing that as soon as I was finished with treatment, I would get this special time with my family. We will play on the beach and walk around my favorite island and snorkel and rest. We will sleep in and nap when we need to and do nothing at all if that is what feels right.

The girls are excited to go somewhere they have never been and Larry is excited to be able to rest. Sleep has not been his friend since his shoulder surgery and it is beginning to catch up with him. My family needs the rest as much as I do. It is hard to be the patient but it is equally hard to be the caretakers. I know that they have worried and lost sleep and cried and struggled the entire way through, though they have been strong and caring and loving.

When you get married and you say those vows "through sickness and health", I don't know that you can ever truly understand what that means. I think Larry and I now understand that and are thankful that we chose each other as life partners. The girls never signed up for this. Their life was very carefree and their biggest worries were what to wear to school. They have risen to the challenge beautifully. I could not be more proud of my family. So we will stand on the beach and celebrate all of us; our strength as individuals and as a family. Aloha!

Done!

1 Surgery, 4 rounds of chemo, 33 doses of radiation, 77 hospital/doctor visits, 100's of thousands of dollars in medical bills-one lump. Done!

Down to the Wire

I cannot believe I have made it this far. Tomorrow is my last day of radiation. My last day! I never thought I would say this, but I will actually miss the people that I have seen every day for the last 6 and 1/2 weeks. I have had the same 3 or 4 techs every day and they are wonderful. They could spend the 10-15 minutes that I am in there just working and ignoring the patient, but they don't. They talk to me every day, remember things that we have discussed and ask questions about my life.

At Valley, they have valet parking for the radiation patients. Every day the same 2 valets wave me in, take my keys and take care of my car. They know me now too. Most of the time they just let me park myself! They know not to send my car very far because I will only be 10-15 minutes. Collectively they have made an experience that could have been really miserable, something that wasn't that bad.

I will miss them, but I will not miss having an appointment every day. I will not miss being reminded every morning that I am STILL fighting cancer. I will not miss driving the extra 25 minutes every day and having to ride a different bus because there is no room at the park and ride at that time. I will not miss the red peeling skin under my arm.

I had heard that people who don't have to do chemo think that radiation is tough to do and people who do chemo think that radiation is easy in comparison. Radiation is not easy. It causes skin redness and itchiness, sometimes blisters and a low-grade fatigue all of the time. That being said, radiation was a walk in the park as compared to chemo. It is a completely different type of fatigue. I still function very normally with the possible exception that I go to bed a little earlier and feel tired by late afternoon. The only other thing for me is that I have Restless Leg Syndrome and have had it since I was young without knowing what it was. It is something that makes you feel like your skin is crawling and you must move your legs to get it to stop. I generally feel this when I am tired so having a low-grade fatigue all the time means for me that my legs are going crazy almost all the time.

I'm lucky. I know I am. Some people have much more intense side effects that I have had. My radiation doctor and the techs tell me all the time that my skin is amazing and resilient. God might have given me cancer, but He also gave me very good health, strength beyond what I thought I had and resiliency. He also gave me love and support from many different directions. We did it! All of us!

More Skin

I had the chance to go to another seminar at the Gilda's Club in Seattle. It is part of a series on Cancer and the environment. This particular seminar had to do with household products and cosmetics. As if there aren't enough things to worry about that cause cancer, now there is what goes on my face. It all gets to be a little overwhelming sometimes.

It is a bit like being in a haunted house where things just keep jumping out at you from every corner. I certainly believe that our environment has something to do with cancer. It just makes sense that as a developed country we have many uses for chemicals. We are a nation of convenience and image so our cosmetics and lotions and potions are very important to us.

I was stunned to find out how many things are suspected or known carcinogens in things that I use every day; cleaners, shampoo, makeup, nail polish etc. I think there are two ways that one can deal with this information. One is to PANIC! Shut the doors and live in a bubble (but not a plastic one!)Tell the world to go away, live off the land and grow your own food. I can't choose this one. I enjoy being out in the world and I refuse to be afraid of everything that I touch or buy. I think the other way to deal with this information is to be informed and try to make good choices.

There are plenty of choices that are easy and probably don't carry the same risks. For instance, we clean our floors with vinegar instead of using a chemical cleaner. For me, this is a pretty easy substitution. There are also more options available for purchase. At the seminar they told us about a website that can help you compare some of your daily household products. It is http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com. You can enter in anything you like; lipstick, detergent, your favorite lotion and it will tell you what type of things might be in the ingredients that are potentially harmful. The other thing that it tells you is that some percentage of products are better choices. For instance, the lipstick that I use says that 62% of products are better choices. I could definitely use this information to panic when I find out what is in my lipstick, or I can look at some of the other options and see if there is something that I might be comfortable with changing to.

Maybe the lipstick is what caused my cancer, but I am more inclined to think that it is a combination of many, many things. I can't change everything in my life, but I can try to make the best choices that work for me and my family and hope that I pick the right combination.

Skin

I am nearly finished with radiation and finally my skin has revolted. I made it through 5 solid weeks of radiation without any negative side effects. Over the last couple of days my skin has turned a very angry red under my arm and hurts when it is stretched in any way. I was hoping that I could make it through the entire 33 days but I actually made it through about 24. I only have one more day of whole breast radiation and then begin a series of 5 boosts. The 5 boosts are concentrated doses of radiation at the incision site. The good thing about the boosts is that they will not focus on my underarm at all which is where I am having the most amount of redness and pain.

On the day after the election, there are many discussions about skin and skin color. A black man will be the president of the United States. What I was struck by last night when listening to McCain's concession speech and Obama's acceptance speech is that they are both very comfortable in their skin. I thought both speakers showed grace, courage and strength on an evening in which history was being made.

I can't possibly compare myself to two extremely competent individuals, but I will say over the course of treatment and being diagnosed with cancer, I have found that I am more comfortable in my own skin than I was before. I have spent plenty of time worrying about my looks, or my weight or whatever it was I thought was wrong with me. I have found that with scars, a bald head, a lopsided chest, thinning eyebrows and eyelashes I am very proud to be me. I realize that many people go through all of this thinking they are imperfect. I don't think I am perfect, but I am confident. Hair doesn't make the person. Neither do clothes or a perfect body. Certainly not skin.

Heaven in a 6oz jar

Since my diagnosis, I have tried hard to change what goes into my body. I figure that this is my time to start making my body work for me and not against me. I would love to say that this is an easy change, but it really isn't. I try to make the right choices whenever possible. I have given up sugar, sugar substitutes and high fructose corn syrup. For the most part, I have not missed sugar really, but there are some things that I do miss.

Breakfast has gotten harder for me. Before my diagnosis, I generally ate cereal or a piece of toast with some fruit for breakfast. I still eat fruit every morning but now try to have some kind of protein as well. But to be honest, I really miss having a piece of toast with jam.

I live in Maple Valley and while it is a truly great place to live, we don't have as much selection as other, more metropolitan cities. We don't have a Trader Joe's or a PCC so I have tried to make my grocery selections at my regular neighborhood store. Most of the time this works, but in the case of finding a good sugar free jam, I have not been able to find something I love.

I happened to be in Issaquah yesterday evening and decided to stop at PCC. Not only did I find sugar free jam, I found several sugar free jams. This morning I had a piece of whole-grain toast with Organic, sugar free peanut butter and organic, sugar-free 100% fruit jam. It was absolute heaven. I could have scooped that jam out of the jar and ate it with a spoon!

Thank goodness consumers are starting to demand more options and stores and manufacturers are starting to listen. Maybe I am a little bit behind the curve on finding these great food options, but now when I find something that I like and my family likes, I do a little happy dance to celebrate that we can make healthy choices and enjoy it.

Time Passage

As of yesterday I have only 11 days left of my radiation treatment. I have completed a full 22 days. It is the opposite of chemo in terms of time. My summer was the longest of my life. Time seemed to drag on and on in between treatments. It was like those dreams where you just can't move fast enough. Radiation is different. 22 sessions have flown by. I am now 2/3 of the way done and I don't know how it went by.

I made it through an entire four weeks before I started to see some effects. Just over the past 2 days I have started to see some redness on my skin and am starting to feel tired. My radiation oncologist told me it would be different from chemo fatigue and he is correct. Chemo fatigue is a lack of energy type of fatigue. Radiation is just plain tired, like you didn't get enough sleep at night. By late afternoon I am feeling like I could take a nap. It isn't horrible, just feels like I need a cup of coffee and should go to bed early. So I listened to my body and went to bed early 2 days in a row.

When I was first diagnosed I talked a lot with my friend Kristina who was almost exactly a year out from her round of treatments. At the time a year seemed like an eternity and I couldn't visualize being where she is. I just didn't know how I was going to get through chemo and radiation and the fear and emotions of being diagnosed.

I have been at it now for almost 6 months. I was diagnosed on May 7th and have been doing surgery, chemo, radiation, appointments, blood draws and waiting, waiting, waiting ever since. I can see me being where Kristina was. I can imagine being a year past diagnosis. I can see my life returning to normal. I know that watching my children grow, I will find that time is going too fast again and I will want it to slow down, but right now, I am glad to have radiation zooming by.

Chasing Dreams

My kids always ask me what I wanted to be when I was younger. I tell them two things. I wanted to be an astronaut so I could be the first woman on the moon and I wanted to be a mother. Obviously the first part didn't work out very well as I have not been to the moon, but the other part has worked out quite well since I have two really great children and I very much enjoy being their mother.

Cailey is in middle school this year and last year was nominated by her music teacher to be in the honor choir at the middle school. Cailey has loved singing since she could talk and has always said she wants to be a singer. She has a beautiful voice and can be heard singing at any time during the day-in the shower, in her bedroom, in the car. On Thursday we had the chance to see the first concert at the middle school that included the honor choir. There are only a handful of them and many of them, Cailey included, have auditioned to be in the All-State choir. I hope she makes it. She is talented and passionate and it is what she wants most. We were incredibly proud to be watching her up on the stage doing exactly what she loves.

I have heard sad news over the last 2 weeks about 3 women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Two of them are people that I know through other friends and one is someone who I don't know, but have friends who know her. I have told all of the friends to have these women contact me if they need any kind of support or help. I hope to be able to help them through their journey just as people have helped me through mine. All three of these women have young children. Fighting cancer is a very difficult path, but I know that all three of these women will do it. They will do it for the same reason that I do. Because we want to watch our children chase their dreams. They show us how to do it and remind us that dreams are worth having. They will do it so they can chase their own dreams as well.

Pink?

Monday's are doctor days during radiation. Every day during treatment I see radiation techs and nurses, but only on Monday do I see the doctor. Yesterday I had a chance to see the doctor. In general this is a discussion about any potential side effects that I might be having.

I am halfway done with radiation as of today. I have completed 16 out of 33 treatments and so far have been really lucky to have no real side effects. My skin is still in tact and is not showing any signs of redness.

When the doctor came in, he asked me how everything was going and I told him that I was not having any skin issues at all. He was pleased that I wasn't having any problems but assured me that soon I would start to see some signs of pink. As predicted, chemo has sent me into menopause and I have hot flashes on a regular basis. As soon as the doctor started to examine me I had a hot flash, turning all of my skin a healthy shade of pink. "See, your skin is starting to turn pink" says my doctor.

Sigh....OK, I'm turning pink, but not because of radiation. If only he understood that my skin turns pink a dozen times a day and several times at night. Chemo induced menopause so far is causing me more discomfort than the radiation and turning me all kinds of lovely shades of pink.

3, 6 and 7

I had the chance to go to a lecture at the Gilda's Club in Seattle last night. The topic was "Cancer and your Environment". This particular lecture had to do with food; eating it, storing it and cooking it. I learned a lot of very good information, but one of the most disturbing things I got out of the lecture was this series of numbers; 3, 6, 7. With all the discussion of the many things in our environment that are either known or suspected to cause cancer, these were the most bothersome. These are the three plastics that have the most known or suspected carcinogens in them.

Everyone uses plastic every day. It is convenient and we Americans are nothing if not addicted to convenience. Not all plastics are created equally and though none are good for the environment, some are considered okay for people and some are not so okay.

On the bottom of every plastic container, bottle etc is a number and apparently 3, 6 and 7 are the ones to avoid if possible. When I left the lecture and got in my car, I went to take a drink out of the water bottle that I have carried around for the last year and a half. It is special to me as it is from Seattle University and I like to have something from my alma mater. I thought to glance at the bottom of it before I took a drink. Number 7. Unbelievable. I have been carrying it around filling it with water at every opportunity and using it at work and everywhere else for over a year.

Is that plastic bottle the reason why I got breast cancer? Probably not. To be fair, it is probably a whole collection of little things that I have done or not done, been exposed to or not, a little bad luck and maybe some genetic mutations to boot. I doubt that there is one reason why people get cancer and I am no different. That being said, I am still going to throw out that water bottle. If I can eliminate one potential thing that might cause a recurrence then I am going to do it. I am also going to go through all of our plastic ware that my family uses and get rid of anything that says 3, 6 or 7. Why take the chance?

Duckling

I am now almost 5 weeks out from my last chemotherapy. I am feeling much more like a normal person. My energy is back, I don't have any aches or pains and my taste buds have returned.

Even better, my hair is starting to come in! It is darker on the sides and in the back and white and very fine on the top. There isn't a lot of it yet, but it is definitely starting to come in. We are going to Hawaii in November so I am hoping to have enough hair by then that I can go without a wig, a hat or a scarf most of the time. I don't know if that will be the case as it is pretty sparse right now, but I certainly hope so. As my kids like to say, I now can feel the wind in my hair.

I tried to have Larry take a picture of my tiny sprouting hairs, but unfortunately they don't show up because they are so light. So until I have enough that I can show it in a picture, just imagine a little duckling, all shiny and new, ready to face the world, with hair standing straight up on top of my head, all white and fuzzy. But imagine the duckling with a smile because at this point, I don't care what the hair looks like as long as it is hair.

Sunshine Vitamin

In Washington state, we have one of the highest incidences of breast cancer in the country. We also happen to have one of the highest incidence of Multiple Sclerosis in the country. Some studies speculate that both of these could be attributed to a lack of vitamin D. Vitamin D is of course the Sunshine Vitamin. It is something that our bodies manufacture from exposure to sunlight.

According to one Canadian study, "Women who have a vitamin D deficiency when they are diagnosed with breast cancer were 94% more likely to have their cancer metastasize and 73% more likely to die within 10 years". "Ten years after their diagnosis, 83% of those who had adequate vitamin D levels were still alive, compared to 79% of those with insufficient levels and 69% of those classified as deficient. None of the patients were given vitamin D supplements."

I recently met with a naturopath at Swedish Medical Center to find out what I should be eating and doing to help decrease my chances of a recurrence of breast cancer. One of the things she told me is that I should have my Vitamin D levels checked to see if I am deficient in Vitamin D.

Yesterday I talked to the nurse at my oncologist's office to ask her to request this test for me for the next time I came in. To my surprise, she told me that I was tested for this on the day of my first chemo (July 9). She looked up my results and found that my Vitamin D levels are well within normal range. Even bordering on optimal! She asked me how much Vitamin D I had been taking and I was happy to tell her that though I take a multi-vitamin and a calcium supplement, I do not take a separate Vitamin D supplement. She told me I was only the second person that she could remember who had normal ranges of Vitamin D without taking it as a supplement.

I am thrilled to hear this as having normal levels at diagnosis seems to have a positive impact on avoiding recurrences in the future. Since I have lived in gray Seattle all my life, I checked to see how much sunshine is needed to manufacture enough Vitamin D and it is pretty minimal; about 15 minutes a day a couple of times per week. I know what you are going to say-what about skin cancer? I'm not minimizing the risk of skin cancer, but I think 15 minutes a couple of times a week is worth the risk if it can help prevent other types of cancer. At least for me it is so I will be making sure I get my sunshine a couple of times a week. For all of the things you can do to help prevent breast cancer, this one is pretty darn easy. Besides, when it is sunny in Seattle-it is glorious!

Doing Nothing

Ever since the day I was diagnosed, I have felt like I have had to do whatever I could to fight the cancer in my body. It is something that I think about constantly. Between appointments, research, diet and exercise, I feel like the battle is constant. Even the days of chemo, though miserable, were serving a purpose. They were providing insurance against a recurrence and every day I had to tell myself that I was doing something to fight it even if I couldn't get out of bed.

This weekend was the first weekend that I felt like I had a reasonable semblance of normal energy. Maybe not 100%, but pretty close. Since it was the first weekend that I was feeling good, we could have been ambitious and tackled any number of projects that we have around the house. But we didn't. We did nothing.

Actually we did a lot of nothing. We went for a long walk with the girls and the dog. We went through some winter clothes and got rid of some. We made dinner. We watched both girls play soccer. I caught up on my stack of magazines.

I am grateful to have the energy and the time to choose to do nothing. To have a weekend when I don't feel like I must be doing something to fight cancer. There are lots of things I could have done, but didn't. It was a perfect weekend.

2 down-31 to go

I started radiation on Monday. The first of 33 sessions, 1 per day for six and a half weeks. It is deceptively easy. The whole session takes about 5 minutes. It takes longer to park and undress and redress than it does to actually go through the treatment.

I have not yet experienced any of the side effects though I understand it can take a couple of weeks for them to show up. In comparison to chemo, it should be easier. The two biggest side effects are fatigue and skin issues-something like a sunburn.

It all sounds comparatively easy. However radiation is serious. You can only have radiation once in your lifetime. Because my lump was on the left side, I have the potential to have permanent damage to my heart, my lungs or my ribs. Hopefully this won't be the case but it is a risk. After these treatments, I will have had my maximum lifetime radiation. You know when you have an xray and they put that nice heavy metal apron on to protect you from the radiation? I don't get the metal apron. I get the full effect of something that I have had to be protected against my entire life.

So why do it? It improves my chances of survival by about 7-10%. That may sound like a small amount and some people choose not to do radiation, but for me 7-10 percent is enough to make it worth it. I think I would worry about it constantly if I didn't do radiation. I want to make sure I have done everything I can to improve my chances of survival and reduce my chances of a recurrence. So I will go every day for 6 and a half weeks and I will try every day to remember why I am doing it.

Odds

If you have been following the news, you are aware that WaMu was purchased by JP Morgan Chase this week. As an employee of WaMu, this impacts me directly. I chose to work at WaMu for several reasons. I am from Seattle and always want to work for a Seattle based company. I like working for larger companies rather than smaller companies because I like the stability of a large company. When I started at WaMu they were a successful, well-respected company. I always want to be proud of where I work so this was important as well. It wasn't a random choice. I never in a million years thought that I would be part of the biggest bank failure in history.

As of right now I don't know if I will lose my job, but since I work in the corporate offices and JP Morgan Chase's offices are in NY, I find it unlikely that they will retain two corporate presences. I think it is only a matter of time. When I watched the employees at Enron and WorldCom and Lehman brothers, I felt for them, but I still thought it would never happen to me. But here I am. My WaMu stock is worthless, my job is in jeopardy and I will most likely be one of those people you see on the news carrying their belongings out the door in a box.

I never thought I would have cancer either. In an abstract way, I knew that there was a chance, but I thought the odds were with me, not against me. I did not have the typical risk factors, but against the odds, here I am; 43 and diagnosed with breast cancer. I never thought it would happen to me.

So now I have been shown in no uncertain terms that no matter what the odds are, someone is always on the wrong side of them. Now I have to find a way to turn this around. The odds are against me winning the lottery or being famous or finding a cure for cancer. Twice this year I have lost against the odds. Maybe it is time for me to use that to my advantage and find out what I can do to win against the odds. It is more for me to think about while I try to figure out what my lesson is supposed to be.

10 Things I Don't Hate About Cancer

There are many, many, many things to hate about cancer and believe me, I do hate cancer but for every cloud there must be a silver lining and I have found a few.

#10-No need for an eyebrow wax
I am not sure why this is, but the area where I generally have my brows waxed is as clean as a whistle! My eyebrows currently have the exact shape and arch that they have after I have had them waxed at zero cost.

#9-No underarm nicks from shaving
This hair was probably the first to go and I don't miss it at all! There is something nice about a smooth underarm-EVERY DAY!

#8-Smooth legs all summer long
The hair on my legs also went quickly and I have had to shave my legs exactly one time this summer. I might not have appreciated this as much if I had to have chemo in the winter, but this was definitely a bonus.

#7-Short Showers
With no hair to wash and nothing to shave, there is only so much one can do in the shower-alone!

#6-Appreciation for the sense of taste
There are very few foods that I don't like and I am willing to try most anything. Having my taste buds disappear with each round of chemo essentially making everything taste like sawdust or mud makes me appreciate the fact that prior to chemo I had pretty accommodating taste buds. I can't wait to welcome them back.

#5-Sleeping with my children
When my girls were young I used to be able to nap with them occasionally and thought it was one of the greatest things in the world. Now that they are 10 and 11 I don't ever have this opportunity. Since I have spent so much time during chemo sleeping or napping, I have had the chance to sleep with both of my girls at some point. I even got to catch a nap with my niece the other day. There are few things more personally rewarding than snuggling up with the warm, soft body of a child.

#4-Letting my husband take care of me
Soon after Larry and I met, I remember him telling me that I wasn't an easy person to take care of because I am too independent. I'm not used to allowing people to take care of me, but happened to marry someone who thrives on taking care of people. Being hit by the chemo truck gave us both the opportunity to let him take care of me.

#3-Understanding I have choices
Getting a Cancer diagnosis is overwhelming and debilitating. It seems that everything is happening TO you. I realized that I have choices. I can choose my attitude, my outlook, my treatments. I can also choose to have my body work against me or work for me. I intend to make it work for me.

#2-Friends near and far
I knew I had friends, I really did. I just didn't know how caring and supportive they would be or to what lengths they would go to support me. I gained friends as well. I even received support from people that I would have guessed didn't even know that I existed.

#1-Having my health
Most people probably wouldn't say they were healthy when diagnosed with cancer, but besides that little fact, I am actually pretty healthy! Being healthy has helped me to bounce back from each chemo and withstand potential infections. I don't have any allergies or other illnesses. I can't imagine having to tackle cancer with high blood pressure or kidney disease or severe allergies or a compromised immune system. Now I know I have done everything in my power to insure my health and I am going to do everything humanly possible to hang onto it. I am worth it.

Chemo 4 of 4 done!

Yippee! I finished my last chemo yesterday and I am so glad! I still have to get through this week and I can't say that I recovered very well from round 3 so we'll see how it goes. I am also pretty anemic which is not helping much. My oncologist recommends that I up my iron for at least the next 3 months to get those counts up.

I had quite a crowd with me yesterday, my mom bought me to my appointment and brought both of my girls. They have been curious about the whole process and I decided that if they wanted to watch drugs drip into me it would probably help rather hurt. I think they found that it was boring and not that scary so it was probably a good thing.

Also my friend Mary Kay came to sit and visit which was nice. She brought pictures of her recent trip to France which was good and distracting and made me want to go back!

My friend Angie came at the end and drove me home. Who knew it took so many people to get me through?

I got my tattoos for radiation this week and will start radiation on September 29th. I will do 33 times, every day for 6.5 weeks. I am doing my radiation at Valley since it is closer to the house. I understand that each appt is only about 15 minutes so I will spend more time driving there and walking into the office than I will actually at the appointment.

I am glad to be nearing the end of the treatment journey so I can get on with my life.

Speaking of getting on with life, I want to wish Annie, Lisa, Trude and Pam good luck with the 3 day that starts tomorrow. I hope you know how much you are doing for Breast cancer and I appreciate everything you are doing for the cause and for me. Keep putting one foot in front of another and keep your head high. You are doing important work!