Birthdays and Early Departures

Today is my dad's birthday.  He would have been 69 years old.  He died of pancreatic cancer when he was 48 years old.  Too young.  My husband is now 49 years old and is in the prime of his life.  He is healthy, active, happy and thriving.  I can't imagine him not being here.

My dad's death was the first in my life and the time when I realized that people are often taken too soon.  I'm not sure what the right number of years to be on earth should be, but I think it should be more than 48.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my doctor showed me the 10 year survival rates for someone with my diagnosis.  If I survive 10 years, I will be 53.  This didn't really make me feel a whole lot better.  53 seems too young also.  How about 83 or 93 or 103?  How about I get to actually live a good, long, healthy, happy life?  I just celebrated my 45th birthday-one which I am extremely grateful for. 

Now, 21 years after my dad's death, it seems like most of the deaths that I have had to bear have been for people that were way too young.  So for those people, here's wishing you would have had more birthdays to celebrate.

Dad-48 years old
Marty-41 years old
Diane-46 years old
Dean-30 years old
Baby Lauren-6 hours
Baby Sierra Willow-0 hours

Holiday Happiness and Angels

I can't believe that I didn't post on Christmas!  I guess everything just got busy and it went by the wayside.  The holidays have been great for our family.  We were able to spend great time with the girls, with my family and even with friends.  I finished all of my shopping and wrapping early so I even had some stress-free days when everyone else was running around like crazy people.

As always, I am grateful and happy to have good health for me and my family, but have been saddened by several events over the last couple of weeks.

First, I was upset to hear that a friend and former colleague has been diagnosed with breast and lung cancer.  Her family support position is not ideal and even though I know she is as tough as they come, I can't help but worry that she will at times feel alone in her journey.  I think about her every day, knowing that she has good medical care and lots of friends who care about her and hoping she will find the strength wherever she can. 

My sister gave birth to her first daughter on December 22nd of 2003.  She was born prematurely and lived only a few short hours making it into December 23rd by just a hair.  I was with her when she was born and stayed until her last breath.  Every December 22nd there are tears remembering her sweet little face and the injustice of her death.

This year my cousin Jeff went through something similar, losing their beautiful baby girl just days before she was due to be born.  On December 23rd, I received a package in the mail with a lovely photo tribute to their sweet baby girl.  Again, the injustice of a life not lived brings me to tears and the wrenching words of the grieving parents nearly caused a complete breakdown on my part.

My Great Uncle came to our holiday open house this year.  His first Christmas since my Great Aunt Mae passed away.  They were together for some 60+ years.  Though I was very happy to see my Uncle, seeing him tear up throughout the evening was heartwrenching.  Though she lived a long and happy life, it was not for her that I was sad this year, it was for those she left behind.

My holidays were happy, but with that happiness comes a bit of melancholy as well.

Defeat and Loss

Today I found out that my friend Marty succumbed to cancer. He has been battling cancer for only one year and was only 41 years old.

Marty was a firefighter and a fitness buff. He saved people for a living. He was one of the finest people I have ever had the pleasure and honor to know. He had two young children who went to pre-school and kindergarten with my children. His son Colton has been in love with Darci since he was three years old and used to tell her on a regular basis that he planned to marry her.

I had not seen Marty for quite awhile since our kids now attend different schools, but we happened to see him in December when the girls were taking ski lessons. He was renting skis at the ski school because he loved it and loved being able to be there with his kids.

He told me that day that he had been diagnosed with Thymic Carcinoma. I listened and cried and gave him a hug. That is the last time I saw him. I am incredibly grateful that I had the chance to see him and tell him in person how much we cared about him and his family.

I called him about a month ago and was surprised that he answered his cell phone. In typical Marty style, he told me that he was recovering from his last round of chemotherapy and was getting stronger every day. I told him again how much we were pulling for him and that I was thinking of him every day.

About 3 days later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and found myself grappling with the same things that Marty had been. Since the day of my diagnosis I have mentally put myself in this "team" of cancer fighters. Me, Marty and another friend Michael. In my mind, there has always been the three of us in this fight together. I knew we were all fighting different cancers, but thought if there was the three of us fighting, we would all win our battles.

I am devastated by the loss of Marty. I am heartbroken for his wonderful wife Kris and his two kids Colton and Rylee.

So many people have told me that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. What about Marty? He was physically fit, mentally strong, had a HUGE support system with the firefighters, friends, family etc and was determined to beat his cancer even though he knew the prognosis wasn't good. He was one of the good guys-truly a hero, he was loved by many. Why couldn't he beat it?

I know that all of you have been keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. Can I ask each of you a favor? Can you pray for Marty and his family too? I will be doing the same. (see the link below if you would like to read about Marty)

Marty, you have inspired me, made me laugh and raised really great children. you made an impact on the planet and saved lives in the process. I am blessed and honored that I had a chance to know you for so many years. Go with God Marty and may God bless you and your family.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/365850_obithauer05.html