The Best Laid Plans

Each year, we host a Holiday Open House for my family on the Sunday before Christmas. We have done it every year for several years, despite busy schedules, new babies and wind storms. This year I was determined to not let cancer put a halt to this tradition. Our open house was scheduled for today and we were ready to have everyone over. The house is clean, the lights are up on the house, the tree is up, the menu is planned. We were ready.

If I have learned anything this year since being diagnosed, you would think it would be that not everything goes the way I plan. I certainly didn't plan to spend the majority of 2008 fighting cancer and despite the fact that our Open House is always planned for December I didn't plan for snow. Mother Nature had different plans than I did and has blanketed the entire Northwest and brought all of us to a screeching halt.

I am disappointed that we had to cancel but feel good that everyone is safe and warm at home and not navigating icy streets. Once we made the decision to cancel, my day opened up suddenly in a way that I had not anticipated. We had NOTHING that we had to do! We were given a gift that I would not have expected-time. Today the girls played in the snow and sledded down a giant hill. I got to spend a leisurely afternoon wrapping presents. This is usually a chore that I squeeze into stolen moments late at night when I am tired and would rather be in bed. I don't usually get to enjoy the labor of love that it should be. Larry watched the entire Seahawks game in peace. I cooked dinner with my daughter and we ate it while watching a Christmas movie.

Once again I have learned that sometimes good things come from what I didn't have planned. Now don't get me wrong...we will reschedule the Open House for the day after Christmas. I'm flexible enough to take advantage of a change of plans but I'm also persistent and determined. Cancer may have brought some good things into my life, but it isn't going to stop me from keeping my original plan of having a long, healthy, happy life.

Songs of Joy

Darci is in the choir at her elementary school and today they sang holiday songs for the senior citizens at our local community center. I spent most of the time watching the audience for their reaction to 125 kids singing for them. I have to applaud Debbie Folkerts the music teacher for her selections. I could see that all of the seniors were touched in some way by one or more of the songs.

They sang a fun reindeer song first to get the crowd going. Then a Hannukah song with Hava Nagila. I love the way the words in this song just slide over the notes. I saw several people singing along with this one and was so proud of the kids that they were able to represent beliefs that may or may not be their own. They also sang a Kwaanza song celebrating this African American holiday.

They sang a swinging holiday song that had many toes tapping. They finished with a couple of classics, Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. When they finished, all 125 of them went out into the audience to wish the seniors Happy Holidays. It was a joy to watch their reactions as they were completely engulfed in a sea of kids.

I had to think that this is what it is all about. These people have undoubtedly had ups and downs in their lives. I'm sure they have grieved and suffered and had joy and celebrations. In the end, it is the experiences that bring us joy that we remember. What I saw on each of their faces was joy and wonder-125 kids strong.

Odds

If you have been following the news, you are aware that WaMu was purchased by JP Morgan Chase this week. As an employee of WaMu, this impacts me directly. I chose to work at WaMu for several reasons. I am from Seattle and always want to work for a Seattle based company. I like working for larger companies rather than smaller companies because I like the stability of a large company. When I started at WaMu they were a successful, well-respected company. I always want to be proud of where I work so this was important as well. It wasn't a random choice. I never in a million years thought that I would be part of the biggest bank failure in history.

As of right now I don't know if I will lose my job, but since I work in the corporate offices and JP Morgan Chase's offices are in NY, I find it unlikely that they will retain two corporate presences. I think it is only a matter of time. When I watched the employees at Enron and WorldCom and Lehman brothers, I felt for them, but I still thought it would never happen to me. But here I am. My WaMu stock is worthless, my job is in jeopardy and I will most likely be one of those people you see on the news carrying their belongings out the door in a box.

I never thought I would have cancer either. In an abstract way, I knew that there was a chance, but I thought the odds were with me, not against me. I did not have the typical risk factors, but against the odds, here I am; 43 and diagnosed with breast cancer. I never thought it would happen to me.

So now I have been shown in no uncertain terms that no matter what the odds are, someone is always on the wrong side of them. Now I have to find a way to turn this around. The odds are against me winning the lottery or being famous or finding a cure for cancer. Twice this year I have lost against the odds. Maybe it is time for me to use that to my advantage and find out what I can do to win against the odds. It is more for me to think about while I try to figure out what my lesson is supposed to be.