Graduation Day

Last week I had an appointment with my oncologist.  I am blessed to have chosen an oncologist that I am very comfortable with and trust completely.  Its a good thing too since I have spent a whole lot of time with her over the last 2 years. 

When I first began my cancer journey, I saw her at least once every 3 weeks.  I would see her on chemo day and generally a week after chemo to check my white blood cells.  I am now on a first name basis with my doctor, her nurses, the receptionist and the nice people who take my blood every time I go in. 

After I finished treatment, I started seeing her every 3 months and have been doing so for the last year and a half.  Last week when I finished my appointment and went to make the next one, they told me they would see me in 6 months.  I had to ask to make sure that I had heard right.  Yep-6 months. 

To put that in perspective, consider the other appointments I have during the year.  2 infusions of Zometa, 1 bone Scan, 2 Mammograms, 1 MRI, 4 trips for bloodwork, 1 Ob-gyn appointment and those are all if I am healthy.  If I happen to get sick then I have to see my regular doctor.  So 2 fewer trips a year may not seem like a big deal but it is.

I love graduation day!

Happy Dance

Today I went in for a mammogram. This is the second mammogram that I have had since I finished treatment almost exactly one year ago. It is the first mammogram since I had my reduction and lift in June. I was a little bit nervous that after my most recent surgery there would be too much scar tissue to get an accurate reading. I was also somewhat concerned that it would be uncomfortable as I still have some tenderness where my surgical scars are.

Not only were the images easier to read (less tissue), they were all clean and clear! Nothing even remotely suspicious in my films!!

I was also happy to be told that most of my tissue is fatty tissue (sometimes fat is good) which is easier to read on film and is an indication that my estrogen levels are decreasing (good for me when my diagnosis was estrogen receptor positive-I want as little estrogen in my body as possible).

I have been doing a happy dance all day long! I will go back in 6 months and every 6 months for the next 3 years. I don't like having my breasts squashed down anymore than anyone else, but I would go in every month if I had to just to make sure everything looked clean and clear.

Ahhh, big sigh of relief!

2 more days

Well it is almost here. The Seattle Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk is almost here. I looked back at my donations and realized that I registered for this walk in January. I have spent 9 months working to raise money for breast cancer research. 9 months is a long time to spend on something. It is the amount of time it takes to produce a baby! It is also the amount of time that I spent treating my own cancer...surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation.

I have been asked to be a flag-bearer in the opening and closing ceremonies in the Survivor Circle. I have been given the COURAGE flag to carry. It is an incredible honor to be asked to participate and I am thrilled to have the Courage flag. There are many characteristics needed to battle cancer; faith, strength, hope, patience, and courage.

3 days will be difficult, but if it can prevent someone else from spending 9 months or longer fighting cancer, then it will be worth it.

In Good Hands

Albert B. Einstein Jr



The original Einstein

Today I went in for a 3 month checkup with my oncologist. Though I have always been happy with the care that I have received at Swedish Hospital, I really did not want to be there today. I just didn't. I am enjoying being part of the land of the healthy. I didn't want to be sitting there with people who are bald and sick and waiting to go through chemo. That isn't where my head is at these days. I didn't want to have my blood drawn or get on a scale, I didn't want to be poked and prodded and I wasn't excited about having my second Zometa infusion. I wanted to be at home enjoying the warm weather.

My oncologist is not only a fabulous doctor (one of the top 3 in Seattle) she is also very similar to me. She is my age, she has two children and she is a breast cancer survivor. I was lamenting to her about not wanting to come in today. She laughed and said that she has learned to not take it personally that people really don't look forward to seeing her. She also said that in her own cancer journey, she really doesn't want to go see her oncologist either.

The appointment went well and she doesn't want to see me for another 3 months. The zometa infusion was also uneventful. I can expect to not feel well tomorrow, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is not the case.

I had to have my doctor sign a medical waiver for me to be able to walk in this year's 3 day walk. Per the 3 day guidelines it has to be on official letterhead. My doctor gave me her blessing to walk and wrote it out on her letterhead, which I did not look through until after my Zometa infusion. The official letterhead has a list of all of the doctors that are in the cancer institute. At the very top? Executive Director-Albert B. Einstein Jr. It made me laugh. Albert Einstein and I share a birthday so I have always had a connection to him. I guess if Albert Einstein can spend his time at Swedish Hospital, I can do it too. I am in good hands.

Clean as a Whistle

It has been nearly a month since my surgery. I am feeling pretty good although still have a good amount of swelling and a part of a scar that is not cooperating as much as my doctor would like. Overall though, I would call my surgery a success. I am a much more comfortable size and am back to being symmetrical.

Since I have been diagnosed with cancer before, anytime I have any type of surgery on my breasts, the tissue must go to pathology to be tested. I knew that this was the case and it has definitely caused me just a tiny bit of concern. While I have been physically healing, I continued to have this little nagging thought in the back of my mind that the pathology reports might come back with news that I didn't want to hear.

I hadn't heard anything from my oncologist who received the report so I just kept telling myself that no news must be good news, but I finally called and asked to have an official report. Her nurse called me yesterday to tell me that my pathology report came back clean as a whistle. No sign of cancer in any of the breast tissue that was removed.

Both Larry and I nearly cried when we heard. I didn't realize how much it was weighing on both of us that there was still an unknown. I have an MRI and a mammogram later this month as part of my preventative maintenance plan. For the first and probably only time, I will go into them calmly and without worry.

Shower

I am fully aware that I chose to have this most recent surgery and that many people are in a position of requiring surgery instead of electing to do so. I know all of that and I also know that there is a certain amount of recovery time needed for any type of surgery. I also know that I am lucky to have only minor pain and some swelling to contend with.

What I do still have to contend with though is stitches and surgical dressing which means I do not get to shower until they are gone! There is a certain appeal to not showering for one day and lounging around in your pajamas and I did that for a day or two. But besides taking shallow/sponge baths and having my kids wash my hair for me, I have not taken a shower for over a week. It is starting to drive me crazy.

This is a good lesson for me-note to self: Never agree to sign up for the Survivor Reality Show where you can't shower for a month.

Overall, I am happy with the surgery and the results. I have a slight concern about the amount of fluid I still have on my right side but the rest seems like normal swelling to me. I am glad to be done with surgeries for quite awhile.

I am happy, but can a girl just take a shower already??

Back in the Saddle

Surgery went quite well. I ended up staying one night in the hospital for no real reason except so my surgeon could change my dressings in the morning. I am definitely swollen and have many colorful bruises, but have been off of pain medication since Sunday and feeling not bad. No surgeries are fun, and this one is no exception. Because tissue was taken out, I have to be wrapped to keep the swelling down. Mostly this makes me feel like a human sausage, but that is what I signed up for. I go in tomorrow for my post op appointment so will have a chance to actually see the results.

I am on the mend and I thank everyone for their good wishes.

Under the knife

The weather has been so incredibly beautiful and I have been able to spend time working in our yard. It is nice to be feeling back to normal so I have the energy to do so.

It is that part that makes me a little anxious about tomorrow's surgery. I have been feeling really great for several months now as far as my energy, strength etc and I hate to give that up again. But I will do it anyway.

Tomorrow I will go back in to Swedish for some reconstructive surgery. Because I had a lumpectomy and the amount of tissue they removed was pretty large, I am not very symmetrical currently. I have three choices to deal with this; 1)live with it, 2)get an implant on the left side to match the right side, 3)Reduce the size of the right one to match the left one. I have chosen option 3. I have been large breasted since high school and previous to all of this breast cancer mess had thought seriously about doing a breast reduction. I will have a reduction on both sides so that I am symmetrical and smaller.

There are definitely risks to this surgery as the left side has been radiated and radiated skin and tissue sometimes have a difficult time healing. Radiated tissue also develops into scar tissue so most of what is there currently is scar tissue which could make the actual procedure more difficult for the surgeon.

I am not at all looking forward to having to face recovery from more surgery, but I'm hoping this will be my last one for quite awhile. I am however looking forward to having a cup size that is closer to the beginning of the alphabet and having two breasts that are the same size and shape.

Because I have had cancer, all tissue removed will go to pathology. This of course scares the daylights out of me to think that they might find something that I am currently unaware of, but I think it will also be good to make sure there truly is no cancer left. I will keep my fingers crossed that they will find just plain, boring tissue.

My friend Michael went under the knife this week for oral cancer and my friend Ankie will go under the knife one more time on June 11th for breast cancer. Cancer is definitely keeping the surgeons busy! I am thankful that my surgery is elective and that I can say this will be the last one. I look forward to the day that the three of us can celebrate our victories.

Blink

As far as eyelashes go, we are pretty blessed in our family. I have long eyelashes as does my husband so both of my children have great, long, dark eyelashes. When I was going through chemo I lost my hair, but was able to keep my eyelashes and eyebrows throughout the entire process.

To my surprise and disappointment both my eyelashes and eyebrows took an abrupt leave of absence about 8 weeks after finishing my last round of chemo. Adding insult to injury, this happened right when we were leaving for Hawaii so just as I was starting to feel "normal", I looked like cancer girl-bald and lashless.

The good thing about losing eyelashes is that they start to grow back almost immediately. Since I have dark eyelashes, you could see them within a week which was great, but I missed my long eyelashes.

Unlike the hair on your head, eyelashes apparently go in cycles which is why we normally lose one or two each day and not the whole lot. Chemo resets this cycle meaning that they all fall out at the same time. My understanding is that it takes awhile to reset this cycle so that each lash is on a different cycle. Unfortunately what this means is that eyelashes continue to fall out long after chemo. Mine fell out the first time and then I had another round of serious thinning but not complete loss.

The other day was a beautiful sunny day in Seattle so I put my sunglasses on. As I was driving I noticed that every time I would blink, my eyelashes hit the lenses of the glasses. I promptly ripped my sunglasses off so I could take a good look at those eyelashes. 7 full months after my last chemo, my eyelashes are finally back to their original length. I think I will wear my sunglasses every day, just so I can realize that having your eyelashes brush against the lenses is a good problem to have.

Trials and Justice

Yesterday I went in to Swedish Hospital to talk to the research coordinator for the clinical trial that I asked to be in. This particular trial fits my situation perfectly. It is for early stage breast cancer patients who have completed chemo and radiation and are taking tamoxifen. I specifically asked to be in this trial because it adds bisphosphonates to the tamoxifen regime. Bisphosphonates are drugs generally used for bone loss, such as osteoporosis. They have been found to have a significant impact on distant recurrences of breast cancer to the bones. This trial measures the use of tamoxifen with bisphosphonates administered in different ways, via IV or taken in pill form.

I was really excited to be part of it since the benefits are significant. Unfortunately I was told that I was too far out from chemotherapy. The people who run the study set it up as part of the criteria that the participants were no more than 8 weeks out from chemo. I am 12 weeks out. I never thought I would be disappointed to be further away from chemo. I am extremely disappointed that I can't be part of it. I am going to do whatever I can to get my doctor to prescribe Zometa (the bisphosphonate) for me so that I can get the benefits associated with the study.

Since I am 12 weeks out from chemo, my body is recovering from being assaulted. I have my energy back and I feel really good. I feel healthy and whole. The injustice of it all though is that now that I am feeling healthy, I still look sick. Though my hair is growing and people continue to remind me that it is, I still look like "Cancer Girl" when I look in the mirror. My mutinous eyelashes and eyebrows decided to take a hike at about 8 weeks after my last chemo and though they are coming back, it just isn't fast enough. What kind of justice is it when the hair on my chin, under my arms and on my legs comes back with a vengeance but the hair on my head is growing back at a snails pace? Drat! I want to look as healthy on the outside as I feel on the inside. Every morning I look in the mirror and though I see someone who is healthy and happy and I am thankful for that, there is only one word that comes to mind when looking at my head....GROW!!

Aloha

Hawaii is the right place to come to recover. There is nothing better than a tropical breeze, floating in salt water and waking up to sunshine every day. We are having a really great time in Hawaii. We have not had a plan for any day but have just gone with whatever strikes our fancy for the day.

So far we have snorkeled and swam and relaxed. We thoroughly explored the north side of the island and are now on the south side of the island for the duration of our trip. Today is a rainy day here but we have had so much fun spending time with our kids that we haven't even noticed. Our kids have re-discovered the joy of board games and we have laughed ourselves silly playing Scrabble.

I am so grateful to have this time with my family. I enjoy my kids and my husband. We have fun together. I had nearly forgotten how to do so.

Aloha for now...